Today I would like to go into detail about miscarriages.. In particular mine..
Yes guys I miscarried about a month ago now. Many of you knew I was pregnant if not see post here. Many of you have been asking how I am feeling and how everything is going with the pregnancy and some have even asked to post baby bump pictures, but, I could not tell any of you about my loss until now. I have to thank you guys for being such amazing friends to me and it means the world to me that you guys care.
I never thought a miscarriage would happen to me and I am sure many of you others have felt the same way. I already had had my son at a very young age of 17 years and thought that sense I had already had had a baby that I didn't have miscarriages. This was not true.
I went to my doctors appointment at 11 weeks pregnant. Dylan and I were thrilled beyond belief just so excited not a care in the world. My baby bump was growing like crazy, I had been feeling great, and I had no complications so far (as far as I knew). The doctor went over everything with us mostly just exciting things like, congratulations! And a July 4th baby?? How did you get so lucky to get that date?? All exciting things were going on until she checked to see the babies heart beat and there was not one. Our hearts stopped beating when we heard the news. This was the most devastating news that we had heard in A LONG time. I tried to keep on a happy face until the doctor left and when she left I just sat on Dylan's lap and cried. They wanted us to go to another doctors office immediately after to take a more accurate test and in hopes that my doctors test was wrong. Dylan was the best support in the whole world. He told me that we did not need to do that and that we could do whatever I thought was best for me. As hard as it was it was nice to have someone feeling the exact same emotions as me at the exact same time. I tried to be strong and had a smidgen of hope that for some reason the doctor was wrong. I had other tests done that all came with the same devastating results. Dylan knows how to cheer me up. He said well lets go to your favorite coffee shop and get some coffee at least! I am a coffee fean and I had not had any ever sense I found out I was pregnant. I had been reading up on all the do's and dont's of pregnancy and following them to a perfect T.
Now, shortly after my awesome latte the doctors office called and asked me how I would like to get rid of the fetus. My first reaction was to let it come out naturally. So that is what I told them. They told me that they would call in pills that would make me miscarry called a D&C. I said okay but thought I would not use them. The next morning I woke up and looked in the mirror while taking off my clothes to shower and started to sob. My baby bump was in full effect and I couldn't take it anymore. It was no longer cute it was just a reminder of what I had lost.
Sorry guys keep reading I promise this becomes a happier story.
So I went to the pharmacy and picked up my D&C. The cramps and bleeding started after about 4 hours and it took me all day to miscarry. I started feeling a little bit better emotionally after that.
These were the thoughts that helped me through this:
Talking to other people that had been through it - SO many people I know have had one that I never even knew about.
Knowing that 20-30% of pregnancy's are miscarriages. (I never knew that before)
Remembering that it was not my fault and that I couldn't have changed or done anything differently.
Thoughts that this is gods way of making sure your baby is born as healthy as possible.
Remembering that I want a happy healthy baby and child.
Remembering that it was not the time yet and that we can try again.
The reason for going into detail about all of this with you is to help you understand that you are NOT alone. This happens to many of us. It is out of our control. The most important thing to remember is to get right back on that horse and try again. That is what we are going to do.. As scared as I am I know that this is what I need to do to heal. It will happen and it will happen how and when it should.
I hope that this helps some of you. Maybe if it doesn't help you maybe you could pass it to a friend.
Thanks again for being such amazing friends!